How grappling helped me through my darkest time.

Like others that have suffered the loss of a loved one I went into a spiral of emotions that are so strong that it mentally and physically debilitates you. The mental and emotional anguish is so severe, that it physically shuts you down. That is why it’s important to understand that people going through severe depression due to grief or mental health reasons are not lazy, but exhausted. (This is a topic that needs further addressing as a subject of its own.) My physical health during this time was quickly degenerating and my mind began going into darker and darker places. Emotionally, I was erratic and a mess.

My Coach, James Foster opened the academy to me and let me modify the scheduling to get back on the mats. I don’t know if James knew how this was going to impact me but I’m sure he does now. In the beginning, I only trained with people close to me. In grappling arts, you get to know and form relationships with a lot of people, but out of those many, you develop close friendships with a few that go beyond just the mats. At this moment though, I just wasn’t ready to be around people. The questions, the comments (even if they meant well), and of course the ones that say things that just make you shake your head.

I remember drilling and sparring being the only time that I was at some form of mental and emotional peace. It’s difficult to go down rabbit holes or deeply get into thought when you’re trying to execute a technique multiple times or prevent getting smashed and then strangled. I think there is something inherent in us that wants/needs constructive physical struggle and a lack of it can be detrimental to our physical and mental wellbeing. I remember times while actively grappling another human begin, that tears were falling from my eyes. All my training partners at the time, were close friends and some have even met my daughter. They knew what was going on and didn’t stop sparring to console me, ask me questions, or wait for the tears to stop. No, they continued to push me and allow me to continue sparring all while subconsciously going through whatever emotions I need to. Jiu Jitsu/Grappling was and continues to be a big part in keeping me emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy.

Jiu-Jitsu/Grappling isn’t a cure all for PTSD, depression, or other mental health concerns, but I can most definitely tell you that it can help. Studies have also shown multiple benefits supporting this. A study of service members who participated in a 5-month grappling program found meaningful improvements in PTSD, depression, and anxiety symptoms. Studies also found that grapplers showed lower levels of overt aggression in their daily lives. Another study showed how grappling transferred positive life skills by showing improvement to participants perseverance and self-confidence.

Though I’m a big advocator for Jiu Jitsu/grappling, one should always seek professional help, support groups, or other resources to gain tools in managing ones grieve or mental health concerns. Now go find an academy and start training. I’ll see you on the mats.