Holidays and days of significance can be a very difficult time for survivors of suicide loss, or any other form of loss. The time leading up to these days can be just as hard, or even more challenging than the holiday or the significant day itself. Various emotions that can arise such as anxiety, depression, sleep issues, irritability, guilt, anger, and a host of other feelings. Here are some tips you can use to better manage these difficult dates.
• Reevaluate traditions and consider whether you want to continue them, modify them, or start a completely different one.
• Consider being with family or friends for the holidays, or whether it would be more comforting to get away to be alone.
• If you choose to be around family or friends and you are comfortable talking about your loved one, let them know it’s ok to mention them, or share a story or experience with them.
• Some find comfort in celebrating the loved one’s birthday.
• The anniversary date of when we lost our loved one can be extremely tough, but remember that it is a day, not the day.
• Keep yourself occupied as much as possible.
• DO NOT use heavy doses of alcohol or other substances. This can lead to poor decision making and self-destructive behavior.
Here are some ideas that can be used on the holidays and significant days. I have personally used and continue to use some of these.
• On the anniversary date of the loss, light a candle, and have a timed moment of silence for them.
• For birthdays, get a small cake, balloon, and light a candle.
• Make a memory box and place pictures, trinkets, small possessions, etc. into it.
• Give yourself a set amount of time to be alone, go through pictures, videos, possessions, letters, cards, while listening to music your loved one enjoyed or both of you enjoyed together.
• Write your loved one a note and send it into the air with a helium balloon or floating lantern.
• On holidays light two candles, place them on the table, blow one out for the loved one we lost, and keep the second lit for those that must go on despite our loss and pain.
• Light a candle and place it on the kitchen table till the conclusion of the holiday meal.
• Paint or draw on a rock or other object of something your loved one liked, enjoyed, or said. I take these hiking/camping and place them in the open but partially hidden.
Remember, as long as you’re not doing anything self-destructive, there is no right or wrong way to get through holidays, significant dates, or any day that is especially difficult.
For more information or resources please visit afsp.org/loss.
National Suicide Prevention hotline. Call 988 to be connected to trained counselors.
1-800-273-TALK (8255) or texting TALK to 741741
SAMHSA’s National Helpline for mental health/substance abuse 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
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